So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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