and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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