i permit you to call me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
