My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
