Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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