Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
