Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
