soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
