DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
