The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
