so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
