I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
