just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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