I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
