Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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