I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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