We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
