I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
