whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize