I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
