i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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