So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
