he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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