I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
