What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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