do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
