I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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