first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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