i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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