the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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