my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
