Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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