very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize