he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
