Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
