I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In America we eat man semen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
