When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
