Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
