This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
