Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
