Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
