Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
