Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
