Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
