i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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