The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize