my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
