my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
