I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
