Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
