I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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