I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize