i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
