Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
