i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
