if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
