his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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