That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
