i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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