I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize