Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
