CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
