some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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