I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
