she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
