I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize