i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
