Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
