So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize