I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize