escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
