theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will pee on everything he values.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have tasted many bathrooms
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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