The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
