the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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