She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
