My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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