I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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