how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
